Reversed Roles in Domestic Violence
Posted: Tuesday, May 19, 2009
by Ronyae
Writings by Ronyae
A 78-year old woman was arrested for 'beating' her 80-something husband. Her reasons for
doing so were simple: she "felt" he was cheating on her during the first years of their 30-year marriage. That's a long time for someone to hold something in. But, my topic is on the fact that we hear more about men being abused by their mates today, then we did 10 years ago. Maybe even longer, but the fact remains that women are now being faced with the same charges as men when an officer is called out to a home for domestic violence. If the authorities enter a home, see evidence that the woman did more harm than the man, or if the woman perpertrated the offense she is likely to be riding in the back seat of the cruiser.
I've seen this first hand when my co-worker and her fiance at the time, got into a huge fight. She was quick to use a knife, resulting [husband] being stabbed more than 12 times. The cuts weren't deep, but they were lengthy. He survived with only scars to remind him of that night. My co-worker was quickly handled like a suspect, and taken to the precinct without even having her say on how she was truly the victim; she entered the home, unexpectedly grabbed from behind and placed in a choke-hold. It all happened so fast! We thought it was a burgular because her fiance was supposed to be at work. It's a long story, and will take me from the point, so I'll leave that story for another collection (smile).
I'm sure there are cases of role-reversal type spousal abuse that go unseen, or unheard, and has been going on for a very long time. I will use 'role-reversal' in this collection as a reference for Equality in a Family. Simply because what applies for one family member, may apply to others; fathers are not always the 'hard hand' of the family. The mothers may take on a role where they are the head of the household.
And, I also want to use this as a reference to Domestic Violence. Being equal in a family shouldn't include violence ... There should be no violence at all. Nobody is a winner in domestic violence, only victims. I've seen that it's true: everyone gets hurt.
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More commentsYou are abosuletly correct. I personally think this has been going on much longer than any of us know.Hello Deborah!Good to see you on here. Thanks for reading and sharing a comment.
You presented your opinions well and hopefully domestic violence will end, but I doubt it.. Too much rage in people today and as the economy spirals down and drug and alcohol spirals up, we will see more of it."Tread the Earth Lightly"" and let your days be filled with... Peace, light and love,Arlene Wright-CorrellArlene,Welcome to my blogs, and thanks for sharing such wonderful and true information. I pray for only the best in our nation. Stay Blessed, Arlene ... and, don't be a stranger!
Great article. Well done.I spoke to a woman who worked in the social work department and said that domestic violence worked that way too but the dictionary does not define it that way. She stressed that it was not a matter of sexism but of statistics - over 90% have men as the abuser.Thanks for the informative read anyway.Hello Connor,WOW, the stats are very high, and I'm sure there are even more cases involving women being the aggressor, but nobody has record of it. Thanks for reading and sharing your comment.A social worker is a good reference for such statistics, but statistics only show what is reported. Women are "allowed" to be victims, but men are supposed to be stronger. How much harder is it for a man to expose himself to being seen as less than a man. Men aren't supposed to be victims of anything!Ignorance about this issue is just as harmful as ignorance about any abuse issue. Years ago, the only people who knew about child sexual abuse were those who'd had it touch their lives in some way. Otherwise it wasn't talked about. Now we teach our children what kind of touch isn't ok, and to always tell a parent, doctor or police officer if someone tries to touch them in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable. People think it occurs much more than in generations before, but counselors have found that just as many women in their 50's and older are coming into their offices for help with the pain, shame and anger from childhood sexual abuse.I'm afraid that statistic you quoted will be changing in the next decade or so. I don't think it will be 50%, but rage is an odd thing, and it's rampant in our world today.Thanks for adding this, Victoria!
Women have been using and abusing men for centuries. Case in point, Samson and Dahlila. Also Cleopatra was terrible to the men in her life. And how many 1940's and 50's black and white movies have we seen where that the woman slaps the man across the face, and he takes it.It is an equality issue. Up until recently, men where the strong ones and women were the "weaker sex". I think men assumed they had to take what was shoveled out to them, and now they know that they don't.You are so right that there should not be violence in the home, but that doesn't negate the fact that it occurs, and when it is a woman thrashing a man, she deserves to be treated as the offender.And, of course there is a line to be drawn. If she's doing so in self-defense, then that needs to be recognized as well.Thanks for a very good, thought provoking article.Thanks Nila! Your comment was a welcomed one, for sure (smile).
The problem is, who does a man call if he is being abused. Most major centres have womens' shelters, but nothing for men. I have heard of men who have called a womens shelter for help, because there was no one else to call, and they were not taken seriously.David, thanks for sharing that comment. This is the one reason why I composed this write. Where is the help for men? Thanks for reading and sharing a great comment.
Good word, Ronyae. No matter who does the abusing, it shouldn't be tolerated. It is truly unusual to hear about domestic abuse coming from a woman.JL, unusual, but true. Thanks for reading and sharing a comment.
Domestic violence is not an easy subject to write about sensitively, but you have done a great job here Ronyae. Good article.Thank You, Frances. No, it's not easy to approach the subject objectively. But I tried. Thanks for reading and sharing a comment.
I am supportive of anyone that keeps the reality of domestic violence in the forefront whether it involves a man or a woman as the abuser!It is a problem of monumental proportions in our country and is the root of the problem with our overloaded prison systems because it affects everyone ... especially the children who witness it!Hello Nanci,Welcome to my blogs. I appreciate your reading and sharing a comment.
True, everyone loses. Well stated. Only a change of heart will change behavior. The issue is dealing with what causes one to have such anger and hatred that leads to violent behavior.Blessings dear friend! TeresaHello my friend!!! That's a good point: finding the root of anger ... good one, Teresa!
Thank-you for writing this article. Abuse in any form is wrong, but the victims who don't have a voice yet are the one's with the least hope.Thanks for being a voice!VictoriaThanks Victoria! Your comment has me too emotional to type anything else ... go figure.
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