What's the Big Taboo With Dating A Younger Person?
Posted: Wednesday, July 08, 2009
by Ronyae
Writings by Ronyae
The guy took me to a coney island for lunch, what's the big deal? The 'big' deal was that he was 10 years younger than I, and my associates acted as if the world had came to an end.
But what's the big deal about dating someone younger? Is there some sort of unseen danger in the makings of a relationships created by two people who have a large age difference? I've seen and heard stories of families being started by a fully matured man and a fifteen-year old girl. If this has been a part of our history, why is it so complicated for people to accept a mature female dating a guy that's not as nearly as far in age difference as times of yesterday?
The age does determine maturity, so I can understand from that point of view, but there is another point on if the younger person matures throughout the relationship; could this be enough to "grow on"? The major differences may come with maturity. If the younger person matures, and notices that they may want more out of the relationship - Then what?
These reasons and many more where thrown at me by my associates, so I asked my aunt on her thoughts about the situation. "It's not like you are trying to marry the guy, you went out to eat. What's the big fuss?" I had to admit that she was right about me counting my eggs before they hatched.
"Well, things may progress. And, I don't want to be wasting my time on something that is not going to be a positive move." I had to be certain of how well I addressed my true feelings, because I really did enjoy the young man's company. Does that mean I'm immature? Can I only relate with child-like minds? ... Oh, it was so confusing.
So, as a submission to a collection for reference to relationships, I ask my readers and supporters this question: "Does love have an age limit?" Okay, maybe I have more than one question: Is it possible for a relationship to succeed, even if there is a major age difference between the participants? ... another question: Would, or could there be a certain limit to the age differences?
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But what's the big deal about dating someone younger? Is there some sort of unseen danger in the makings of a relationships created by two people who have a large age difference? I've seen and heard stories of families being started by a fully matured man and a fifteen-year old girl. If this has been a part of our history, why is it so complicated for people to accept a mature female dating a guy that's not as nearly as far in age difference as times of yesterday?
These reasons and many more where thrown at me by my associates, so I asked my aunt on her thoughts about the situation. "It's not like you are trying to marry the guy, you went out to eat. What's the big fuss?" I had to admit that she was right about me counting my eggs before they hatched.
"Well, things may progress. And, I don't want to be wasting my time on something that is not going to be a positive move." I had to be certain of how well I addressed my true feelings, because I really did enjoy the young man's company. Does that mean I'm immature? Can I only relate with child-like minds? ... Oh, it was so confusing.
So, as a submission to a collection for reference to relationships, I ask my readers and supporters this question: "Does love have an age limit?" Okay, maybe I have more than one question: Is it possible for a relationship to succeed, even if there is a major age difference between the participants? ... another question: Would, or could there be a certain limit to the age differences?
Thanks for supporting me and my confusion (smile). For my outside link supporters, join Searchwarp, today! http://SearchWarp.com/Register.asp
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Top-level comments on this article: (10 total)Ronyae, what have you got to lose? We have some good friends - he is our age, she is 11 years older than he and they have been happily married for over 20 years. You never know.20 years, Lorrie!? WOW. Now, that's what I call psoitive inspiration on one side of the board. Thanks for that.I have to ask, Lorrie: "Are there any children in the picture?"
Ronyae,As long as two people are adults in terms of age and enjoy each other's company, what's the big deal? That's a decision to be reached by you and whomever you choose to see. Don't let others influence what you do, it's YOUR life.JDJD, great suggestion. Forget it, advice. I must admit, that was advice more than anything; more than anything I needed to hear/read (smile). Thanks, Judge.
Love has no age limit- it has more to do with compatibility than age, as long as both are adults! Age matters more for teens. 10 years is very little difference, in my opinion. As a relationship counselor, I have seen all kinds of arrangements work. Be happy, have fun, and forget what your associates say. It's your life after all! Sincerely, Krista Bloom, Ph.D."Love has no age limit..." That's it! Thanks, Krista. I agree wholeheartedly that it's compatibility that most rely on, rather they admit it or not. I've witnessed so many relationships fail because they are relying on something other than compatibility. They have no foundation. I'm starting to counsel myself, let me stop (smile).Thanks Krista, and Stay Blessed.
I think most relationships need more attention of the people in them and a little less attention from those outside of them. If you feel this is a healthy relationship for you and he feels it is for him that is what should matter. As long as you both our legally able to date (not that I think all laws are correct) unless either of you have a pressing need to be accepted by society at large follow your intuition. I like Krista have counseled many who have worked out swimmingly that if I was a betting man I would have betted against.Sounds good, James. You raised an eyebrow with the statement of your opinion on social rules for age [limit] differences, or did I take it the wrong way?Thanks for reading and sharing an influential comment.
Ronyae,Go girl go! I agree with James Bond. It is time for people to pay less attention on what others do. Heavens, if only the media could do the same!If you were 24 and he was 14, I might question it?!? But, absolutely don't listen to others. Go with your heart. (By the way, isn't Coney Island in NY and you are in Detroit?)Your new picture is stunning -- beautiful.Nancy(grinning) LOL, Thanks Nancy (curtsy). Good suggestions, too. And yes, there is a Coney Island in New York area. But, the coney island I was speaking of is a restaurant in the metro Detroit area; famous for coney dogs, 24-hour fast food service. Sounds like an article, and it may be a good ide4a. Thanks Nancy!
Hi Ronyae.My sister's first husband was very close in age to her. Their marriage lasted ten years and then she'd had enough of him and his "childish" and stifling ways. Her current male partner (actually ever since she divorced her first partner) is nearly ten years younger than she is. They've been together for about 19 years. Age doesn't matter, compatibility does. Oh, and you are never wasting your time if you are having fun and enjoying yourself.Don't worry so much. Life is not a race and you can't do it perfectly. Do what feels right and the rest will follow. Of course, I probably wouldn't say that if I were 25 years old, but at almost 57, I know this to be true.Respectfully,DianneThanks Dianne, your comment has truly touched me. It's like having a can of spinach! (smile)Stay Blessed
I think that all that matters is a similar degree of maturity.Good point, anonymous. Thanks for reading and leaving a comment.
Even till death do you part doesn't limit love, so why should age, unless the age of consent hasn't been reached. Your second question, love makes anything possible, especially a successful relationship. People in the relationship are the destroyers, not love. And to your final question, we gotta learn to take the limits off life! If we did, we'd take the limits off love. That's why there's so much hatred in the world. Differences should be celebrated, even an age difference between friends who may become more.
Enjoy yourself, Ronyae! Your limited thinking associates are having "wishful thoughts." *slow wink*
Your auntie,
AvisI like that, auntie! Thanks a million, and now, I can get back out there and do what I do best - have fun!Stay Blessed
Hi RonyaeI dated a guy 10yrs younger than me a while back, he was 25, I was 35.I felt guilty as I had kids already, a past, a home and I felt I was robbing him of his youth in some ways. Ie the chance to marry and have kids of his own and a normal life (whatever that is).I ended the relationship and within days he met the woman (21 she was at the time) who is now his wife.Was it the right decision? In my case 100% yes.Meanwhile, you could easily meet a guy 10yrs older, who wanted to marry and have his own kids so in that respect age is irrelevant.With regard to what other people thought. I wasn't concerned and neither was he.You have to decide what is right for you and him and not let other peoples thoughts and views be a barrier.Best wishesLeahLeah,I appreciate your comment so much, until I feel as if I was sitting on the bedside with a sister; a sister that has walked in the shoes that I may be walking in now. Almost, as if they were her shoes that I borrowed. It feels good and quite relaxing, and I thank you for allowing me to sit with a sister.Thanks and Stay BlessedHi RonyaeI'm glad my words helped :)I hope you are enjoying your time whatever you decided.Leah xI'm learning to, Leah. (smile) Thanks.
Waiting to exhale! ...S M I L E...Ur comment has me doing just that, Dr! Thanks, and Stay Blessed :)
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