Emotional Abuse
Posted: Monday, October 26, 2009
by Ronyae
Writings by Ronyae
Before I submit this as a collection in reference to domestic violence, I would like to inform
my readers of it being a very personal, and opinionated submission. I share this for the many silent victims that have survived, or not - the unmistakable, silent killer ... and I use, killer, with every sense of strength I can to place emphasis.
Domestic violence, being given the name because of it happening inside of the home, has origins as far back as the beginning of any story of life, and living. I wonder what it was called then? Especially, when just a mere 30 or 40 years ago, it wasn't even considered "domestic violence"; I can remember times as a young girl, when my cousin and I visited our cousin and his girlfriend at the time. They got into what we called 'fights', but it seemed Shirley wasn't having her fair share of the fight. It scared me to shivers, and I'm sure it scared my cousin Charles as well because we were taking cover in all kinds of small places, and behind doors or stairs. The screams we heard told us that the lady was not winning whatever type of 'fight' the grown-ups were having.
As I grew older, I became a very defensive person when it came to male-female relationships, and having differences; there was no way a guy was "gonna put his hands on me". I was adamant, and stood ground to show other females that they would be crazy to stay with a guy who "put his hands" on her. I've been the first friend my girls would call to "put him out", after a dispute. But, even that type of help would get tiring, and played out to me. That would be my cue to opt out, it was no sense in constantly running to a friend's rescue, when she was going to return back to the madness. I could see no heads, nor tails for her staying in the violence.
I always wondered what would, and could make/persuade/allow ... the list could go on forever, what has this woman staying in a violent situation? That was, until I became a victim and suspect of it, myself. Yes, I was a suspect for it as well. I say this, because I have played detective with a bit more passion than my mate may have tolerance for, and continue to hold his "secret". But, I have been wise enough, to know when the buttons I wanted pushed, had been pushed, and I was satisfied with that and took it no further to commense a physical altercation.
I became a victim, when my mate finally submitted to his being intimidated by my independence. But, I figured him being intimidated is what caused him to lose his loyalty, respect and faithfulness to our relationship. So, being a respectable, considerate person, I opted out of the relationship, and that's when the physical abuse began.
Before the physical, I was a victim of emotional abuse; there are more victims of this abuse than any other type of abuse, in my opinion. Emotional abuse has victims of every race, gender, or breed. Yes, animals are victims of such: they need your love and affection, just as much as they give it to their owners.
Emotional abuse tears to the soul of a person, and rips at the spirit. During the aforementioned abuse in my life, my spirit of being a 'go-getter' has disappeared with the many times he preferred to be with others over me. I felt low, regardless of how well my outside portrayed for me. Sure, I went to work, and continued on my daily activities. But, they were not handled with that fiery passion that I once held for everything I put my hands, and heart to. I was slowly dying on the inside; the most precious part of me was losing the light that was demanding to shine throughout me.
People don't realize, how often a harsh statement, resentful actions, and even an unconsiderate gesture can truthfully hurt a person. Not only hurt the person, but it can tear down the spirit they hold within. Imagine this:
A man has been having the roughest of roughest, days at work. It all started with a downplay of a position during a 9AM meeting, by lunch the word was out, and his scheduled lunch date cancelled at the last minute; copy machine brokedown, spilling toner ink on his pant legs; he had no extra pair of pants at work. But, nearing the end of the day, he gets a break, and has an opportunity to progress in his "dream" ... he takes the idea home ... (what do you think will happen to this man's dream, if his wife doesn't share his joy? Or, vice versa?)
I see it happening in households everyday, mates not being supportive, considerate of the time in their mate's life ... we all have a life to live. Your problems are not those of the people around you, live like that. I know it may be complicated, and even downright hard to do, but if a person takes a second to consider the other person - we all might be able to get along (smile).
Stay Blessed, and Live like you have neighbors
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)My family was also an example of spousal abuse;my mom screamed all of the time at the top of her lungs and my father used his heavy hands on her and all of the kids .(my parents are the people that they warned me to stay away from in life.)Most wives used to "take it" because the husband was the sole wage earner and her ' meal ticket' and few options were available back then.Cops who came to the door regularly when called by the alarmed neighbors did little or nothing except to advise the victim to leave for her own safety;today,in family disputes they can and do arrest BOTH the assailant AND the victim making calling the cops a futile if unnecessary endeavor.I understand where you are coming from and today things are different.The man still wears the pants but the wife beats him with the belt.You seem the unmet friend to me;Paul SchroederI'm saddened to hear of your childhood, Paul. It's interesting to read your comment on reasons behind a woman staying in such an environment. Thank you for sharing, and reading. A friend, indeed.
Hello, Ronyae.Your article brought back to my memory both the physical and emotional abuse I experienced during both of my marriages. As women, we finally get to a point of recovery through discovery of how unique and valuable our contributions are to family, friends and to society. When men are abused, they eventuall discover the same. Both women and men who lack self-value and awareness are typically drawn to people who seem at first to have it all together. The aha moment arrives when we find out that they are usually as messed up as the rest of us. It is that moment we begin to gain the courage to move away from the abuser with the strength to live independently and separately from the abuse. Good job with an otherwise difficult subject matter.Thank you Lorette for reading and sharing a comment, and I would like to add an opinion if accepted ... I learned through experience that some men cannot take up and move on as well as females. They become a "super" victim; they feel that they should hurt because they've been hurt.
I am about 26 years removed from this scenerio but the cracks are still there - the good news is that Jesus can tryly redeem the years of the locust and canker worm. Thanks once again for sharing your heart! MarijoNo, thank you Marijo for sharing your experience with us. I also want to thank you for the encouragement as well (smile)
Looking at how many people have head this article I can't help but think that this is a widespread problem. Emotional abuse can be hard to prove. Yet I know many suffer from it. Very good article.Thanks Carolee. Welcome to my blogs.
I'm sad that anyone has to go through something like this. You have the strength, Ronyae, to overcome in victory!God bless you!Thank you Ken, and thanks for taking the time to read.
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