Primary Bread Winner: The Lady of the House
Posted: Thursday, January 28, 2010
by Ronyae
Writings by Ronyae
Sitting on the dock of Writer's Block Bay, puzzled by a recent emotional storm: my mate's financial status took a plunge at the same time my book sales, and publishing client list skyrocketed. I had seen the situations as divine; my good would protect us from his bad fortune. But he didn't see it that way, and was offended by me when I offered to fill his car with a weeks worth of gas. I was faced with, "If you want to do something for me, just do it. Don't ask me if I want you to do something for me." I was so outdone, because I didn't realize where he was coming from when he made the statement.
But now, I can see where he was coming from, even though after 2 years, I still don't fully understand it. The man didn't agree with being placed in a position where he "needed" me, financially. In his opinion, he was 'the man', and the man takes care of the lady.
Okay, I get that part of the relationship. But what happens to the part where we help each other? Where does my 'helping' contribution fit in the relationship, by making sure you are fed and the house is clean? "I enjoy your homemade spaghetti sauce ... and, your BBQ ribs are to die for. Do I owe you money for that?"
I feel once a couple, a partnership is born, and this partnership must share ... in all instances, situations and matters dealing with parties involved. When one is down, the other is there to hold both up. Sure this strength lies on the shoulders of men everywhere. But, it's also great character in a woman as well.
There are many men who are intimidated by powerful women. But why?
Okay, I get that part of the relationship. But what happens to the part where we help each other? Where does my 'helping' contribution fit in the relationship, by making sure you are fed and the house is clean? "I enjoy your homemade spaghetti sauce ... and, your BBQ ribs are to die for. Do I owe you money for that?"
I feel once a couple, a partnership is born, and this partnership must share ... in all instances, situations and matters dealing with parties involved. When one is down, the other is there to hold both up. Sure this strength lies on the shoulders of men everywhere. But, it's also great character in a woman as well.
There are many men who are intimidated by powerful women. But why?
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)I agree; I agree.Great article Ronyae. In a good relationship, you share in all respects. If I made more money than my Phil, he would be delighted, not threatened!
Great point you are making there. This is a common occurance today. I know, I have experienced it myself. With unemployment at 10% (officially, but it in reality it is much higher) there are a lot of households where the man is unemployed and the woman is left working. Our culture has ingrained the man as the provider so deep in us that men feel like failures if they are unable to provide. In reality, it is God who does the providing. He can provide through anyone in the family he chooses.The problem that arises from this is the shift of power. Many of us don't realize that there is power in the relationship that comes from being the breadwinner. If we don't have the right attitude, the breadwinner has the final say on where the money goes. We have to say it is "our" money, not one spouse's money that is used for the family. And we have to work together and be as one in financial decisions.I hope everything is working out for you! ;-)
hi ronyae.your picture is goin on!maybe he just felt embarrassed, and not good enough.those are powerful feelings to carry."do you need some money for gas?" i think, would have been appropriate. if you're going out, you know he's broke-no surprise. and he knows you're kindly offering him some help. if he then takes offense. it's his insecurity he has to deal with.thanks for sharing,my best,sueThanks Susan! I try my best :)
Hi Ronyae! Thanks for sharing this piece! I, too, have been guilty of such recoil when potental assistance was verbalized. I think it is indicative of independent personalities as opposed to gender, moreso. I would love to see if others have a similar opinon? Stay insightful!
Men have a hard time overcoming their John Wayne image, but hopefully in time he will. Thanks for sharing. Linda D
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